End of a Tulip
I’m recovering, not feeling the best, so here’s a pretty picture for you to look at instead.
Parting Ways
Is it possible to anthropomorphize a gallbladder? Because I believe I’ve done so. My gallbladder only has hours to live, and it’s my fault. I’ve authorized its death. Sure, it’s caused me pain. But all loved ones have the potential to hurt us from time to time, don’t they? I’m a cruel, cruel woman who is about to be one internal organ lighter.
Here’s my horoscope for today:
Despite a somewhat stressful morning, you can expect a successful conclusion to almost anything by this evening. Your energy builds to a crescendo that feels exactly right for you.
Well there you have it.
RIP gallbladder. You’ll be missed.
Scoping Things Out
Hey everybody.
I’m still kicking around, just had a couple of rough days. I did well on all of my midterms, so that’s done then. I’ve still got to rewrite that paper but I’ll finish that up this weekend. I’ve filled out the paperwork and paid my dues to become a member of Psi Chi. School is on track. Physically I’ve felt really crappy, but that doesn’t seem to be anything new.
I had to take a routine stress test on Wednesday morning- the doctors wouldn’t accept my survival of schoolwork in lieu of walking on a treadmill – and passed that alright. Well duh. If I can survive 3 midterms and a paper while undergoing medical testing, I don’t think walking on a treadmill for 7 minutes will kill me.
I had to have an upper endoscopy this afternoon and am finally really waking up from it. It didn’t take long, wasn’t painful. Basically they put you under and send a scope down your throat to take a look at your upper digestive tract, and send the little thingy down to take a biopsy. My throat is a little sore from the tube and I have it in my head that I can feel where they clipped for a biopsy, but that’s probably my imagination. Still, it wasn’t bad. I’ll have the biopsy results sometime next week. In the meantime, other than some redness, the endoscopy didn’t turn up anything. So far, so good.
Anesthesia is a trip, isn’t it? The stuff doesn’t bother me itself, but I always worry about what I might say while under it. Apparently this time I, um, expressed a desire to spend some, er, quality time with my husband. Thankfully he was the only person in the room when I said it! You should have seen him laugh when he told me about it later, though.
Cheers folks!
Well Ain’t that a Kick in the Pants
I struggled all day yesterday writing a critique of a (truly fascinating) research article that was due today. Despite my interest in the topic (how word choice of questions can “lead” witnesses or disrupt their memories of events even when time has passed) I just couldn’t write the review. My mind kept wandering, skipping from one thing to another. I swear it was like I had ADD. I also had some questions about formatting the paper, but the prof wasn’t available; she doesn’t check her email very often and never checks her voicemail. The upshot was that I pulled my first all-nighter of the semester and had a pretty crappy paper to show for it. I also have a take-home midterm scheduled in that class this week as well.
So I show up for class today, barely able to hold my head upright, and she starts collecting the take-home Midterms. What?! What doesn’t she collect? The article review! Ugh!
It turns out that during class last Thursday (I was out sick) it was decided that making us have both a paper and a midterm due the same week was too much. So she gave everyone the midterm to take over the weekend at their convenience and which was to be handed in today, and changed the due date of the review to next Tuesday.
And she never let me know.
The bad news is that I’m sooo sleep deprived right now (only got 4-5 hrs. of sleep/night this past week for various reasons), and I only have until Thursday to take the midterm.
The good news is that I now know how the review needs to be formatted and have an excellent rough draft to work from. I should be able to turn in my final draft along with my midterm over the next couple of days and be done with the class for a couple of weeks (surgery next week and spring break the following).
Better yet, that same class is cancelled Thursday morning (it’s my 8 AM class) and as of right now it doesn’t look like I’ll have to come in for the following class either. So I can sleep in that day and just show up to turn in that stuff and take my Islam midterm Thursday afternoon.
Hurray for that I say!
13 Years
I celebrated 13 years sober today at my AA home group. Randy, my mother, and my sister all came, and of course the room was full of friends. I can’t believe it’s been so long. I can’t believe the changes, who I was and who I am now. There was a time when I was ice cold and more self-centered than any person has a right to be. The world revolved around me, everything that went wrong was someone else’s fault, the world owed me, and if you didn’t agree with me then you could just leave me the hell alone. I would take and take and feel resentful if you wanted anything of me. I would make promises and immediately think of ways to get out of doing whatever it was that I promised to do.
If you were counting on me, I’d let you down. That you could count on.
I’d like to think I’ve changed a little in 13 years.
I’m still more self-centered than I should be. But I no longer blame everyone else for my failings, and I don’t think the world owes me a thing. I still may want people to leave me alone at times, but I try not to shut people out anymore. I may still occasionally wish I could find an excuse out of a promise I’ve made, but I’ll keep my promise and even scrounge up a smile while I’m keeping it. And while I still think I’m more of a taker than a giver, I’m trying to change that too.
I’m just a work in progress, but at least some progress has been made
Hungry
I want a steak. A nice, thick, juicy steak. And potatoes. Iced tea.
But mostly steak.
Invitation to Daydream
Imagine you’re famous. What are you famous for?
Surgery and Sobriety
The date is set: my gallbladder will be removed on March 8th. That’s one way to lose weight, though generally not recommended for that purpose.
One other thing I forgot to mention: yesterday was my 13th sober anniversary. I might write more about this on Sunday, when I celebrate. For now, though, I’ve got to log off and get some homework done. Homework. A gift of sobriety.
Good News
My liver is improving… it’s a non-issue!
I’ve rescheduled that appointment with the gastroenterologist to check out the new pain since last Sunday; I’ll go on Tuesday afternoon. In the meantime, the surgeon has decided that we should go ahead and take out my gall bladder since I’m still not well. She’s going to see what she has open in a couple of weeks; I’ll hang on until then.
I may live yet.
Now I have to study for my first Human Sexuality test to be taken tomorrow night. Unless, of course, I luck out and we have yet another snow day.
A girl can dream.



