Oh. My. God.
I absolutely love my mother on drugs!
She broke her wrist in 3 places the other night when she fell on the ice. They waited until the swelling had gone down sufficiently, and I brought her in for surgery today. In fact, they’re working on her now.
I sat with her as they got her prepped, and met the anesthesiologist. Cute guy about my age. Whatever. I quizzed him to make sure sufficient time had passed since his last drink, last night being New Year’s and all. He passed. Anyway…
He’s talking, laughing, and joking with us to ease any tension either of us may be feeling. My mother is succumbing to the drugs. While chatting, she made some reference to his wife, to which he cheerfully replied, “What wife?” My mom said, “Oh, well, your girlfriend then.” “What girlfriend?” At this point I’m feeling mortified; I don’t know where she’s going with this. She’s single- is she hitting on her doctor? Worse, does he think she’s trying to set him up with me??? I made sure that my left ring finger was easily visible so he could see that I was safely taken, and it wasn’t a fix-up. Of course, if I wasn’t taken, I might have been flirting too. But I am, so that’s an end to that.
He left to do whatever it is that anesthesiologists do when they aren’t knocking people unconscious. Mom started talking to me about how very special I am, and the meaning that I’ve brought to her life. Just when it was getting good, a nurse came over and interrupted. Now I’ll never know, at least not until my mother is drugged again at some future time.
The doctor comes back in. I’m standing by the stretcher, he’s standing next to me. I think he asked my mother if there was anything he could do for her. She said yes, he could come home and take care of her because her son (my brother) is in Colorado and can’t help with certain chores that need doing now, and that he (the doctor) was the right age to be her substitute son. He said sure, he’d come over and cook for her. Mom asked if he would chop her firewood for her, and he said he had some chopped wood she could have. Innocent conversation, right?
Then, without thinking about how it would sound, she asked if she could deflate him when she was done with him. Hell, it’s been over an hour and I still couldn’t write that without bursting out laughing! I turned away at the time, struggling really hard not to laugh loud enough to be heard, but everyone knew what was going through my mind, and the doctor laughed right along. “I’ve never been anyone’s inflatable doll before,” he said, as though pondering the possibilities.
Cue me turning away to laugh again. My face was bright red, both from blushing and an inability to breathe because I was laughing so hard.
Did I mention that I love my mom on drugs?