Light and Shadow

January 30, 2009

iced-over

Categories: Creativity Expressed.

I’d Like a Day Without Her

January 29, 2009

I feel like writing, but I don’t know what I want to write about.  I’m hungry and have been sitting here, staring off into space blankly for I don’t know how long.

The only thing that comes to  mind just now is how annoying I find Angelina Jolie and the attention she gets simply by breathing.  She doesn’t walk on water, people.  Seriously.  So she has pouty lips, Brad Pitt and a burgeoning brood.  Hurray for her.   

Why must Brangelina’s  (a cutesy term from fawning “reporters” who also came up with TomKat.  Another annoying couple.  Is it really so hard to call them by their proper names??) every move be documented and plastered all over so that even people such as myself (i.e. couldn’t care less) are forced to know what they are doing?

Enough already.

Can you tell that I’ve just flipped through several news sites, and found her on just about every one?

Categories: Random Thoughts.

Dentists and Mortgage Lenders Beware

January 28, 2009

Today someone ordered books about dental implants, choosing the right mortgage broker…

… handgun collections and The Shooter’s Bible.

Categories: Tales from a Bookstore.

All That’s Missing is the Bathrobe

January 27, 2009

I was feeling guilty for monopolizing a computer a little while ago.  All but one was taken, and I think most of them are actually being used for scholastic purposes.  I considered not posting until tonight, giving up my slot here for someone else.  But now a couple of computers have opened up for others, so you’re stuck with me after all.

Today’s topic: renaming this new generation.

I think they should be called The Pajama Generation.

Everywhere I go I see kids (mid-teens through early 20s) wearing pajama bottoms and sweatshirts out and about.  They even wear shoes that closely resemble slippers.  I see this at work, at school and on the street.  My own sister did this for a time, much to her family’s chagrin.  Granted, this trend has died down some, but I suspect that it has more to do with newer generations having more common (fashion) sense.   Whether or not they have any other sense is yet to be determined.

Hah.  Written like a true old fogie. 

I actually don’t feel harshly towards “kids these days.”  Going to school with them has opened me up.  It’s just fun to pick on them sometimes.  I mean, come on, you know they make comments about the elderly, such as myself.

Anyway, I’m probably just jealous because they’re all comfy cozy, and I’m just… dressed.

There’s something to be said for saving pajamas for home, though.  It gives me something to look forward to at the end of the day!

Categories: College Life, Random Thoughts.

Geographically Speaking

January 25, 2009

I just performed an interesting exercise for my geography class, one which made me think about the town in which I live.

We had to name our town, it’s relative location and the region in which it could be found.  Your standard stuff.  But then we were to describe it as a place: its landscape (rivers, hills, etc.), its wildlife, the architecture, religions, livelihoods, transportation and communication.  To name a few.

Next we looked at how people interact with the town’s environment.  How did we adapt to or modify our landscape?

Finally, we looked at “movement.”  This has to do with migration.

It was fascinating to actually stop and think about these things as they relate to my town.  Here are my responses to these questions in particular.  How would you answer these questions about your own town?  Don’t post it here (unless you want to).  But perhaps these questions will feed your curiosity and think about your town in a different way.  If you’d like a better definition of the terms and concepts before you ask and answer these questions for yourself, check out Five Themes of Geography.

Here are some of  my responses, edited:

We are only a 15 minute drive from both Massachusetts and New York. For this reason we are commonly referred to as living in the Tri-State Region.

3. It’s a small, sleepy little town in the Berkshire foothills. When I say “small,” I mean small. It is entirely possible to drive through the town without even realizing you’ve done so. While route X runs through it, the town proper is located off of the main drag. Route Y  leads to Main Street, but route Y also looks like a small country road. Even if someone wandered down into town, it could still be missed. The churches (only 2 left, the others having been converted for secular uses) are spread out. The town hall is in an old bank building, and most of the businesses- there are only a handful- are located in large, older houses in the Victorian style. This is largely a farming community, however, with a greater proportion of land to people

It is heavily forested. As a result we have bears, coyotes, bobcats, foxes, turkeys and deer all around. Some of the land is owned and maintained by The Nature Conservancy.

The Housatonic river runs through (my town) and forms the Great Falls from which our town takes its name. The falls are now owned by CL&P for use in the hydroelectric plant at its base. Depending on the amount of rainfall, the company will either dam the 80 ft. falls or let them run. When running, it draws kayakers from all over. People are welcome on the property, and there are trails around the falls and through the woods near the plant. The Appalachian trail runs through here. In fact, this is the only wheelchair accessible part of the trail.

As for communication, the fastest way to spread news is to stop by the gas station on the outskirts of town. Locals always stop through there, and many stay to gossip. There is little that goes on in this town that isn’t known or suspected by all!

4. In terms of movement, it’s varied. A large portion of families have been here for generations. Most of the younger generation leave for college and parts unknown. Some come back to settle down, many don’t. We are also inhabited by a large number of “weekenders” from NYC who travel back and forth almost every weekend.

5. I’ve already mentioned some of the ways in which we interact with our environment here. In addition to the Falls and the farming, we were once a mining town, providing iron for cannonballs, for example. This has long since ended, but a small railroad track goes through our town as result. There are also a couple of limestone quarries.

Categories: College Life, Random Thoughts.

Note from School

January 22, 2009

As promised, here I am.  Using up computer space that someone else might need, but I don’t care.

Actually, there are several other computers available, so there’s no real problem.  Most people are eating while I choose to starve in order to blog for you.  See how dedicated I am?

In truth, there weren’t any seats available in the cafe so I chose to come here and eat later.

The campus is especially pretty just now.  I find myself repeatedly gazing through the  library windows which comprise the majority of the wall to my left.  A tree-covered, snow-laden slope wanders down to the Mad River, itself layered with snow and a thin coating of ice.  I wish I had my camera; I keep forgetting it.  Inexcusable, that.  This is my last semester here; I should capture some of its beauty.

Speaking of beautiful things, I believe I’ll wander over to see what you’ve had to say. ..

Categories: College Life.

Day One, Part Two

January 21, 2009

Had my first Spanish class tonight.  It wasn’t too bad.  I was able to quickly review vocab beforehand and, though by no means proficient, I was able to hold my own.  Looking over the curriculum, there’s nothing I didn’t already study all those years ago.  If I can just finish catching up with my classmates, I’ll be in really good shape I think.  The professor is fun, offering up encouragement and understanding when we make mistakes.  Despite this, he’s no pushover.  From the very beginning of class he was challenging us to use what we’ve learned so far in the past.  We had to answer his questions with complete sentences, and then ask specified questions of our classmates who in turn were also expected to answer properly.  I’m feeling cautious enthusiasm.

In somewhat-related news, it looks like I may be able to blog more regularly this semester than in the past.  I have about 2.5 hours between classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays; if nothing else, I should be able to blog then as long as there is a computer available in the library.

Won’t that make a change?

Categories: College Life, Random Thoughts.

Day One

January 20, 2009

The semester has begun:

Intro. to Interviewing and Counseling is a skills class with far less emphasis on lectures.  She won’t be going over the chapter readings unless we have questions.  We are expected to read the chapters and bring the knowledge gained from them into our practice in class.  We began today by getting to know the person next to us, interviewing them.  After a few minutes, we introduced this person to the class, telling as much as we could remember about the person and their goals.  It was a great exercise and a fun way to break the ice.  We’ll be role-playing a lot, and she told us to have ideas about what sort of problems we want our characters to have; we won’t be the same client with the same problem each time.  This will give me a chance to flex my old acting muscles, and to get creative.  We won’t be critiquing the client, only the student playing the counselor.

My only gripe?  I missed the inauguration today because of this class.  I’ll have to watch it online.  It won’t be the same, but at least I’ll see it.

Behavior Modification is also going to be very hands-on.  In addition to the readings we will be taking on a project to work on.  It can be a behavior of our own, of a friend or family member, or a pet.  The (human) subject is to be made aware of the project and must agree to it.  It could be helping them to stop smoking, stop complaining, any (single) behavior we choose.  The project has to be run past the professor first, too, in order to assure it’s ethical.  Everything must be planned and documented.  We must report the outcome, whether we were successful or not.  If we weren’t successful, though, we have to explain why, where we went wrong.  That’s farther along in the semester, however, not now.

Both of these classes are going to be challenging and fun.  They are not the sort of classes that you can just skate through; I’ll actually have to do some work.  I like the subjects, of course, so that will make it easier.

Tomorrow: Elementary Spanish II.

Categories: College Life, Random Thoughts.

Dodging

January 19, 2009

I was feeling low yesterday, so Randy took me shopping to cheer me up.  Circuit City is liquidating; we began our trip there.  We bought a few video games and the most perfect camera bag for my needs.  If you follow the link, it shows the bag in black.  Mouseover over “khaki” to see what mine looks like.  It’s thoroughly me.  My old bag only held my camera and  CF cards; there was no room for additional lenses.  It also didn’t have a strap, and was completely wrong.  It had been a quick fix at the time, but desperately needed replacing.

Chalk that off the list.

We also bought a few books and some new workout clothes from Target; my old ones don’t really fit anymore.  We were looking for a CD/DVD tower that matches the one we recently bought there, but it seems they no longer carry it.  I searched all over their website.  Realizing I was going to have to find some other solution for our burgeoning collection of games and movies, I cast around for other options.  I hate having the cases visible… I want them all put neatly away out of sight.  If you saw the rest of my house you would understand the irony of that, but that’s the way it is.  I looked everywhere but everything they offered was either too large, or displayed the cases.  I liked the apothecary-style storage units but they only stored audio, not DVDs.  I needed to think outside the box.  Here’s what I came up with.  It’s 2 antique-looking suitcase storage units.  They weren’t made for holding audio/video, but are big enough to handle the overflow.  The short wood-and-bamboo fronted tower will be on one side of the mission-style TV stand, and I’ll stack these on the other.  It’ll have the nice, sort of eclectic look that I like.

On the school front:

Classes start tomorrow and I’m still missing the texts for 2 classes.  This has me more than a little nervous.  One of them is for Spanish.  I’m already starting a semester behind the rest of my classmates.  I studied Spanish before, however that was 7 or 8 years ago.  I’ve borrowed a copy of the text from a friend; she’ll be in the class with me.  Looking it over, though, I can see that the teaching methods are very different from what I’m used to, and that has me anxious.  It’s organized in such a way that vocab isn’t built upon in a more traditional manner.  It’s situational, conversational.  I feel the urge to dig out my old text to refresh my memory rather than using this one.  I might, but I still need to familiarize myself with this text, the one I’ll be using for the rest of the semester.  I also need to read the first chapter of my Intro. to Interviewing and Counseling text.  I know this professor- she’s my advisor- and I know that she prefers that we come to class prepared in this way.  I’ve got 25 pages to read tonight, or at least to make a start on.  We won’t cover the whole chapter tomorrow.  As for Human Geography, he has posted the syllabus and expectations online, but nothing more so far.  It promises to be interesting, but challenging.

Have I mentioned that I don’t feel ready for school yet?  After our shopping spree yesterday I pointed out to Randy that I now have enough distractions to ensure that I don’t do one bit of homework all semester!  He frowned at that, and I think he briefly considered returning it all.  But the sales at Circuit City were final, and it was those purchases which are most likely to cause the damage to my GPA.  Hah!  Foiled him.

Guess that’s it.  Those are the things I’ve been up to, and the things going through my ever-crazed brain.

I’ll go find something totally useless and unproductive to do now.  It’s better than doing what I ought to do, hands down.

Categories: College Life, Home Improvement, Random Thoughts.

Taking Care of Self

January 17, 2009

I’ve been stressing out quite a bit, and for quite some time.  My old heart trouble has been acting up again, with that fluttering that travels from my chest up my throat and that hitch in my breathing that I can’t stop and I can’t control.  Except that it isn’t gentle anymore; and it’s a little scary.

At some point, I really need to see a cardiologist.

Anyway, I know I need to calm my mind in addition to finding a way to exercise safely; effective stress management is a must.   To that end, I’ve bought beginner’s Yoga and beginner’s T’ai Chi DVDs to supplement my Qui gong practice.  Which would be more helpful if I actually practiced it once in awhile, otherwise it’s rather pointless.  I’ve been studying T’ai Chi tonight.  I’m watching the DVD first before attempting anything myself.  It’s really beautiful, very serene.

I’m off to meditate in motion.

Categories: Random Thoughts.

All Worked Out

January 16, 2009

Overheard at work:

“Have  a good night!” Mike said.

“I have other plans.” Luke responded.

Categories: Tales from a Bookstore.

No Blood Required

January 15, 2009

By the time I toppled into bed last night, I had been up for something like 40 hours. I came here to post before going to bed. I stared blearily at the page, face as pale and my eyes as red as any of Meyer’s Volturi vampire’s after a meal. I stared and I stared, but nothing happened. I’m not sure what I expected to happen. What? Great wit and wisdom would pour forth? You know, I think I really did think that would happen.

Tells you how tired I was.

Anyway, I went to bed, slept for 11 hours and am now human again, at least in part. I’m still pale, but that’s my normal state of being; there’s nothing remotely vampiric about it.

I worked really hard on that application. I wrote, rewrote and wrote some more. I’m not happy with one of the essays in particular but I ran out of time. So be it. I met with Sharon (PTK advisor and faculty member who nominated me for this scholarship) to go over everything before submitting. We ran into a snag when we tried to upload the financial info as .pdf to submit online. We think we’ve figured out the problem and are in the process of trying again. No big deal, though. The work is done. I came home, sat on the sofa and relaxed.

For about 30 minutes, at which point Sharon emailed me another scholarship she wants me to apply for!

At least this one is simple.  It doesn’t seem like it’s going to require a copy of my father’s death certificate, as the last one did. I swear, by the time I was done with that one I was surprised they didn’t require a DNA sample, too.

I think I’ll go to work now.  It’s a much happier place than sitting here, filling out yet more forms.

And it’s only just beginning, isn’t it?

*sigh*

Categories: College Life, Reading Room.

They Say It’ll Be Worth It

January 14, 2009

I’m writing the essays and autobiography for my scholarship application.  I’ll be dropping it off at 4:30 this afternoon, and then the darn thing will be out of my hands.  And hurray for that!  Way too stressful, if you ask me.  It won’t really be done then, though.  The foundation wants a timeline regarding when my transfer applications will be out and when I expect to hear back.  They want it soon.  Because they insist that they need to know, I’ve stated that I’ll get my applications out at the end of the month.

This month.

Yeah, what was I thinking?

The semester starts in a few days, and I have not yet begun to relax.  I still have to obtain the textbooks that weren’t available yet.  And I have to refresh my Spanish before my Elementary Spanish II begins; it’s been 8 years since I studied it.

Blah.

That’s right, I haven’t told you what I’m studying this semester:

  • Behavior Modification
  • Intro. to Interviewing and Counseling
  • Elementary Spanish II
  • Human Geography- Culture



I’m feeling distinctly grumpy now.  Guess I’ll go finish that application.  At this point I don’t even care whether or not I get one of their scholarships.

Finishing the application process feels like reward enough for me.

Categories: College Life.

Driving with Darwin

January 13, 2009

At a family dinner tonight the subject of GPS units came up.  Dad has 2 and offered to loan one to Mom for an upcoming trip.  The need to update them in order to make sure that they remain accurate was being discussed.

“Keep them up to date and they’re fine.  They’re not going to make people drive over a cliff or anything.” Dad remarked.

“No.  That’s just natural selection.” my brother noted.

Categories: Random Thoughts.

Sending Me a Signal

January 11, 2009

A coworker who has been struggling with his faith shared that lately it seems that all of the books he’s had to pick are spiritually based.  His Higher Power, he says, is obviously sending him a message.

Lately all the books I’ve picked have been about murder, true crime stories and how to get around the law.

What’s my Higher Power trying to tell me?

Categories: Random Thoughts, Tales from a Bookstore.

Here’s One For You

January 9, 2009

Somebody ordered Why You Shouldn’t Eat Your Boogers and Other Useless and Gross Information About Your Body.

I would have thought that was self-evident.  And as long as we’re talking about things that we shouldn’t do, how about:

How to Fossilize Your Hamster.

Um, how does someone come up with the idea of doing this to his pet?  Do you think he just woke up one morning after listening to the hamster wheel all night and thought “I know what I’ll do.  I’ll fossilize the darn thing.  Then I can have both the rodent and uninterrupted sleep.”

Bad day to be a hamster.

Categories: Random Thoughts, Tales from a Bookstore.

Moving Forward

January 8, 2009

Right.  I’ve begun to recreate my blogroll once more.  If you’re not there and you think you should be, by all means, let me know.

And if you haven’t been there in the past but would like to be, you can let me know that, too.

What else has been going on?  Well, let’s see.

In addition to being a bit manic for a couple of months, I’ve been suffering from anxiety as well.  Yesterday I slipped from manic to depressed, and am still anxious.  I was weepy all day.  Not fun.  It didn’t help that I thought I had misplaced something very valuable that doesn’t belong to me.  In the end I discovered that I had actually done the sensible thing for the first time in my life: I had put it in our safe.  But it didn’t occur to me to look there until evening.  Yes, I’m that disorganized.  Then I had to wait for Randy to get home because I couldn’t remember the code and he had forgotten to take his cell with him.

What a pair, eh?

I’m all over the place right now; I thought I was losing my mind.  And I resented it.

Most of the time I don’t dwell on the fact that I live with bipolar disorder.  It is what it is.  But yesterday was one of those (thankfully rare) days when I truly hate it.  Why can’t I be like everyone else?  Why is everything so overwhelming to me?  I keep shutting down.  I can function and even smile sometimes, but when I come home I bury myself in escapist activities like reading (inappropriately; i.e. ignoring my husband and everyone else around me) or mindlessly watching television.  During work yesterday I wanted to blast my music so loud that it would feel like my eardrums would blow, but though I turned the volume on my iPod all the way up, it still wasn’t loud enough.   It’s not easy to drown  out thoughts determined to be heard.  Thoughts like:

“I’m a mess.  Who do I think I am, going for a Ph.D.?  I should switch to a BA program in something easier because that’s all I can handle.  Nothing I say or do is right.   I’m a horrible friend- too selfish and self-absorbed.  I’m a fraud.  I’m a burden.”

I hurt.

As the Linkin Park lyric goes “… I’m strong on the surface, not all the way through…”

The refrain in my brain.

I’m  not wallowing.  Though I wrote a lot of it out here just now, I’m working through to the other side.  Not stuffing, but looking at each one of these things and refuting them.  For the most part, however, I have to ride out the depression, let it run its course while I keep busy.  It’s all  I can do.

Yeah, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.  I just have to find it and follow where it leads.

Categories: On Being Bipolar.

As You See

January 7, 2009

I became fed up with Movable Type.  It turns out that the “mandatory update” included bundled “Pro” software, etc. that I neither wanted nor needed.  I couldn’t get it to configure correctly over my old installation, which then wasn’t available for re-installation.  Rather than kill myself I decided to take another look at WordPress.  As it turns out, I have a program (Fantastico De Luxe for them what are interested) that came with my hosting package, and it did all of the work for me.  Every last bit of it.

Beyond user-friendly.

So here you see me.  Obviously I’ll be doing a lot of work on this site as time permits.  For those who might be worried, I still have the archives from my old blog stashed away somewhere if needed.

Life, it seems, is good.

Categories: Random Thoughts.