Upon Watching the LotR. Again. Part I.

Questions and thoughts while watching The Fellowship of the Ring for the millionth time:

I posted the first two questions on FB already so I struck them off the list here.  That being said, if you feel like commenting on them, feel free.

As a demon, does a balrog’s breath stink, or does the fire it breathes burn off odor-causing germs?

Do hobbits suffer from PTSD?

There is a high cheese factor in all 3 of these movies.  Would you say it’s more American, Swiss, Cheddar, or Bleu?

Do elves ever get tired of moving slowly and gracefully when not running into battle?

Do elves stay awake at night thinking of things to say so that they seem more wise in conversation?

Galadriel looks a little hotter, if more silvery gray, as an evil queen than as the Lady of Light.  Less beautiful, but hotter.  (Note to self: don’t piss of Galadriel).  (Addendum to Note to self: or anyone else with magical ability or warrior skills and strengths.  All others are fair game, though).

Galadriel and Saruman seem to use the same manicurist.

Boromir was wrong about a lot of things, but he was right to call Aragorn on his general lack of faith in men.  What is he, a bitter ex-wife?  He’s been hanging out with elves too long.

Is “halfling” a politically correct term?

Aragorn looks better grungy than clean.

Oh captain my captain!

Frodo’s palms look oddly soft and smooth.

How did Frodo reach so deeply into the water to pull Sam out of the river, given how far Sam had sunk?  Methinks Frodo’s very soft hand is attached to a retractable arm.

Unlike his palms, the back of his hands are looking gnarly, and his nails are in pretty rough shape.  He should talk to Galadriel and Saruman.

What a bunch of drama queens, yet somehow effective.




















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4 Responses to Upon Watching the LotR. Again. Part I.

  1. swisslet says:

    how long do Elves spend brushing their hair? Do they spend some of that time in front of the mirror practicing their “serene” faces?
    Also Cate Blanchett does *excellent* elf. Galadriel. Yes.

  2. swisslet says:

    I think there’s a film to be made about the forbidden love between a misty mountains Goblin, a fighting Uruk Hai from Isengard and an Orc from Barad Dur. The love that dare not speak its name….. Do you think that in that story, the Wargs in human form would wear cut off jeans and no shirts?

  3. swisslet says:

    Also: Elrond. Grouchy. ALL THE TIME. He just has this big “I told you so” face on every time he’s onscreen. But would anyone listen? Would they? (Also, that tiara fools no one: your hair is receding, half-elf. Deal with it)

  4. Given that the cheese is pretty noticeable, I say Bleu…cheese stinks.

    You know how I feel about the Balrog and his pet cracken….

    You know, I don’t think the elves to care too much about their slow and graceful movements. I spent a lot of this series laughing at the elves’ (especially Legolas’) penchant for really obvious comments muttered in a terribly cryptic manner. You know, if you were going to make them cryptic, make them so. Seriously. Most people watching the movies are geeky enough to figure it out. The ones that aren’t probably aren’t doing anything but staring at Teh Pretteh anyhow. Its like the only way you can tell someone is an elf is they have pointy ears, a propensity for arcane wisdom and a serious lack of exposure to sunlight. You’d think they would all be a little more, um, shiny and golden, given their love of the earth.

    Boromir is the ultimate man-Jewish mother.

    No- halfling is not politically correct. I think it is implied that hobbits are so jolly, noble and slightly derpy that they don’t take offense.

    Aragorn is always better looking dirty. Especially when he’s inside, just fresh from a battle or confrontation and is busy acting wise beyond his years and tossing his mangy locks in the direction of an unsuspecting female.

    Frodo is secretly the hobbit inspector gadget. See: robotic trudge, extendable arms, quick and smooth wheel like movement when running, vacant expressions when thinking, need for a smarter, younger and slightly more idealistic and practical sidekick…

    Please tell me you have more for the other two….

    And Swiss- yeah. Agent Smith- I mean, Elrond, does seem to need some anti-depressants. He has control issues. Do elves have therapists? And yes, he needs to work on a comb-over, or some sort of diadem that actually covers that receding hair line. Myself, I think he should be wearing it proudly. He’s an elf old enough to be going bald!

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