I Love You, But…

As I’ve grown older, I’ve become a romantic once more.  I say “once more” because I was deeply cynical for years.  What can I say?  Bad experiences can take their toll.  But I’m in a loving and stable relationship with my husband; we’ve been together for almost 21 years.  I believe in love.  I believe in happily-ever-after (albeit with work… it doesn’t just happen).  But no matter how much I believe in love and romance, you know what I don’t believe in?

Making another person your “everything.”

Because it really sucks when you lose everything.  And where do you fit in if this other person is your existence?  If they are your everything, you’ve already lost yourself even with that person by your side.  And if the other person loves you, do they really want you to lose yourself?  Not if they’re worthy of your love.  Now, I sometimes call Randy my “everything man.”  By this I mean that out of all the men I know, he’s everything I want.  Hell, out of pretty much everyone I know, he’s everything I want (beloved family has to count for something, too).  However should something happen to him, I’ll feel lost, but I won’t be lost.  Not really.  Does that make sense?  And I won’t have lost everything.  I will have lost the single most important person in my life, but not my life itself.  Nor would he want my life to end with his.  After all, he loves me, too.

So when I see friends making their significant other their “everything,” I worry.  I realize that for many it’s a figure of speech, and I get that.  But there are those who really mean it.  Whose every breath is, in their mind, taken for this other person.  How burdensome!  What happens if it ends?  It often does.  After all, having someone put all of that on you can be like a noose, suffocating you until you feel like a wolf ready to chew off its paw in order to escape the trap that the oppressive “love” has become.  So it ends, and “everything” is lost.  Despair!


Get a hobby.  Preferably one that doesn’t include stalking the loved one.

Seriously.  Find yourself, and enjoy every aspect of your life.  Make your loved one a part of it.  Even the biggest part.  But not the only part.  You’ll be happier, healthier, and have more to offer.

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6 Responses to I Love You, But…

  1. Thank you Connie! What a wonderful surprise to receive your good wishes.

    And so I send some to you too!

  2. Aravis says:

    Thank-you, John! :)

  3. Leah says:

    Hallelujah! :) Is this a public service announcement to anyone in particular?

    I’m so glad you’ve rediscovered your inner romantic! It’s good for the world and the soul, I reckon. It’s a lovely quality to believe in, well, Love. :)?

  4. Aravis says:

    Leah- Yes, it is lovely! And yes, someone inspired that post, though she’ll never read it. She’d drop our friendship if she did, believing that I’m not supporting her. It’s what she’s done to others who have voiced concern :(

  5. Leah says:

    Awww, that’s not good!

    I was a bit concerned you were calling me out. :)

  6. Aravis says:

    Not at all! You’re not even remotely the same. You have outside interests and find joy in things in addition to the person you’re interested in. :)

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