What Life Looks Like Now

I’ve been isolating lately.  Sorry.  Just been feeling a bit withdrawn.  Several friends have either died or are dying.  Strange.  In addition to that, a friend of mine who has been in an abusive relationship told me this weekend that it’s escalated even more.  Her husband took himself off of his psych meds cold turkey without telling his counselor, and he’s spinning out of control.  But she won’t leave him.  She doesn’t want state assistance but has no place to go.  She has 2 little girls.  She says that in this day and age people treat marriage as something disposable rather than trying to work things out.  She doesn’t want to do that.  She has tried over and over, though, and nothing changes.  He’s former military with guns in the house.  Does he have to kill her before she takes it seriously?  It’s a bit late then, don’t you think?  I’ve offered to help her time and time again, but she just isn’t ready to take action.  She makes excuses for him and shoulders the blame (he says it’s all her fault that he treats her this way, so of course she thinks it must be so), which is classic in an abusive relationship.  I’ve been where she is, minus the children, and I know that there’s nothing I can do except be there for her.  But it brings up a lot of bad memories, and it hurts me to see her like this.  I’m ok.  Just… I don’t know. 

But good things have been happening as well.  Let’s focus on those for a bit.

I’ve been accepted at another college, this time Saint Joseph.  I’m pretty excited about this one.  There have been 2 armed robberies in the past week on the campus of the first school I was accepted at- the University of Hartford – therefore Randy would really prefer I not go there.  They’re throwing a lot of money my way, however, so I won’t rule them out completely.  Saint Joseph was a late addition to my transfer list and they don’t have my financial info yet; I don’t know how much aid they’ll give me.  They’ve already offered me a $5000/year merit scholarship, though.

Here’s an interesting tidbit from work: Barack Obama ordered a book from us!  Legit.  It was in his name and addressed to the White House.  I wasn’t there that day, so I don’t know which book it was.  We carry a lot of books about him, so we’ve been speculating that it was one of those.  However someone else came up with an excellent alternative: a George Bush Voodoo Doll set!  He’s got to be feeling some animosity for the mess he’s inherited, right?  *G*  Then again, perhaps he’s annoyed with his Secretary of State; we carry a Hilary Clinton Voodoo Doll set as well. ;0)  At first I wished that I knew what he ordered, but now I think it’s more fun to guess.  *G*

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11 Responses to What Life Looks Like Now

  1. Queenie says:

    Hi Aravis,

    Congratulations on being so in demand by all these colleges! Hopefully St Joseph will want to throw lots of lovely dollars at you.

    Very scary about your friend’s predicament though. She’s lucky to have you as a friend and I hope she finds a way out of this situation before anything nastier happens. Like you, I’d be worrying about what has to happen before she considers the marriage “irretrievably broken down” (in legalspeak)… Hmm.

    [By the way Aravis – I don’t know if I said before, but I’m the blogger formerly known as Lizzy/Urban Fox. I wasn’t going to connect the dots at all this time around, but a couple of old skool-ers busted me & then it seemed crazy to hide it from the people who made Blogworld such an inspiring place. So – hello again. And may I add that your current blog template is looking fantastic!]

    Q x

  2. Aravis says:

    Yay! I wondered if that was you floating around! I knew somebody came here through the link on your old blog recently, and I hoped. Hurray! Wondered about your twitter id, too. Welcome back. You’ve been missed!

  3. jamie says:

    I think isolation = introspection and simplicity. that’s why i’m not around much anymore. xoxo.

    way too cool about school and obama!

  4. Hello…just home from NO.

    Ummmm…so this may not be welcome much, but as a social worker what you’ve said about your friend’s situation makes me really nervous. It’s something that, if I knew all the info about it, would be reportable in California (i.e. possibility of witnessing abuse, a violent parent with access to guns in the house). I know the specter of CPS involvement is not always welcome, but protecting the children is always paramount in my book.

    Good luck, and I hope that your friend makes some smart decisions for her and her children.

  5. red says:

    Maybe Obama’s just working himself up to drop by and ask you for some advice? You know, first the order, then a phone call “just to check my book’s on the way…”, then finally: “Um, are you Aravis?”

    I had that thing where several friends died one after the other a couple of years ago. All from cancer. It is strange, and the strangeness of it doesn’t help with the grief, either. Take care.

    And congratulations on those colleges! It’s great to have options. I’ve no idea of the distances involved, but are you able to visit them to see what they are like?

  6. red says:

    Oops, forgot I had a new bit to put on the form. :-)

  7. Alecya says:

    Its so sad how many women in the world there are that feel like its their fault for the way their significant others behave. Especially when they’re behaving the way your friend’s husband does. You might check and see if there are any local shelters or help groups she might be willing to talk to. I know here we have a place for women and children to go if they need to get away. If she balks, you can tell her that she can go there to find a way to “cope” with his mood changes and be around people who know how she feels. Its a tiny white lie, but if you get her there it will serve a chance for her to recognize that what happens to her isn’t okay. She deserves better and so do her children. A mairrage is something that should be sacred, people do take it too lightly now, that said he’s breaking the trust of that union with his behavior. Safety and autonomy have to be important too. And her girls deserve better than to live in danger. Surely she recognizes that. If I can be of any service to you or her let me know. I know I’m a ways away but…. anything I can do…. just tell me.

    On the upside – College! You brilliant and wonderful girl. I’m so proud of you. *big hugs*

    It seems like life is turning everyone inside out right now. Lets hope we’re all right again soon.

    You’ve got all my love sweetie.


  8. Aravis says:

    Thanks Alecya. I’ve already provided her with all of that info, and offered her rides, etc. She has been highly resistant, seeing it as a step back. She thinks that they’ll be placed in bad neighborhood- so not true! – and worries about putting her kids in that sort of danger. duh. Like they’re so safe now??

    The good news is that the counselor she’s started seeing has gotten her to agree to contact one of the services I referred my friend to, and she’s agreed to do so this week. We’ll see if she’ll follow through. But she seems willing to listen to someone she sees as objective, and I’m relieved and hopeful that she’ll finally do what needs to be done for their safety.

  9. Johnnyboy says:

    Your friend is in a tough situation. She should go to the police or a shelter, but that might complicate the situation with the already violent husband, setting off his anger even more. It’s too bad she can’t have the guy arrested and kept away from her and the kids. Plus, she sounds like she needs some therapy to work out of the Stockholm Syndrome she is going through. I am so grateful that I am not a violent man in any shape or form. My own pain when I was drinking was bad enough…

    Congratulations on St. Joe’s. Hard work gets an ‘A’! Btw…Keep a look-out for my dispatches from the Balkans…I leave next week.

  10. isay says:

    God I hope You will give Aravis’ friend enough courage and keep her and her children safe. Amen. I am worried about her, too…..

    You are so smart, congratulations and good luck….

  11. Ralph says:

    Sounds like a tough situation with your friend. Hope she makes the right decision before it gets out of control even more.

    I was setting here think about what book Obama could have ordered. I am hoping it something along the lines of “How to Manage Your Money”. The way the adminstration is spending is a little scary.


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