It is such an uncomfortable feeling to find that you’ve wronged someone, however unintentional it might have been. I’ve recently come to realize that I’ve been doing just that, and to more than one person.
Part of it has been a matter of me sinking into a depression and shutting people out. I haven’t returned phone calls or emails the way I should have. Some of you have experienced this first hand, and I’d like to tell you how truly sorry I am.
With others it’s been a matter of me showing up late for things. Not chronically late – only a couple of minutes – but late nonetheless. I don’t know why I do this; it never happens until I’m comfortable with someone. Which is kind of worse in a way, because if we’re that close then shouldn’t I be making even more of an effort to not waste your time or to devalue you that way? I know that I don’t mean to do it. I get caught up in doing something else and lose track of time. This needs to stop.
Then there’s the matter of not meeting my responsibilities. Because of my back problems I have not been able to fully perform the duties of something I volunteered for a couple of years ago. I’ve been doing what I could but then letting the rest fall on someone else’s shoulders. At first I spoke with her each month, clearing it with her. But then it fell into a pattern and I stopped checking with her to make sure it was alright; I took her for granted. So I’ve let down the group, but I’ve also let down a friend. I cleared that up today and am making plans to give up that commitment altogether. It’s obviously not something I’m physically able to do anymore and it’s time to accept it, at least for now. My friend and I are back on good terms and all that’s left is for me to inform the group. Not looking forward to it, but it has to be done.
So there you have it: I’ve been a lousy friend. Bet you didn’t know I was such a crumb. But I’m making things right and working on being a better person all around.